Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Let's get Diiiirty!

Time to leave the girly girl in the kitchen and get your hands dirty in the garden! As my favorite time of year approaches, blossoms are slowly popping out from naked limbs, soft sunlight kisses the ground, and billowy clouds fill up the sky. This could only mean one thing...planting season is near!  This is a time of careful planning and breaking up the cracked Winter soil that is devoid of all life...except weeds. Damn, dirty weeds; how I hate them so. This weekend is all about preparation for a garden that will be as bountiful as the bosom of a medieval wench in a corset cinched to the top. 

There is something about going into your backyard and harvesting your crop instead of driving to the store when you need produce. Need a tomato to add to your gourmet pizza, or a sprig of parsley for garnish? No need to put on a bra and trek down the block, just walk a few steps to the garden, look both ways to make sure your neighbors don't see you in your bra-less glory, and voila! Fresh produce in your hands! Plus you don't have to worry about what kind of scary little extras are in your produce, because you cared for your plants yourself; no greasy waxes, no nasty pesticide residues, no gasses to speed up ripening, just pure, unadulterated, fresh, ripe produce. Sounds great, huh? Try it, it's really not difficult if you aren't afraid to get down and dirty. Plus you attract all kinds of gorgeous little creatures for you to gaze at. It really is a rewarding, great thing to have your own garden.

Even butterflies get Spring fever!
If you've never planted a garden, don't have room in your backyard, or have no backyard, don't worry! You can make some pretty amazing container gardens that virtually take no effort at all. There are even tomato vines that are in a hanging planter on the market now and all you have to do is water them. So...why should you prefer homegrown over store bought produce?

Homegrown fruits and veggies are so much better tasting than commercially grown stuff. Not that big farmers suck--because without farmers we would all starve--but they have to worry about shelf life, large quantity, and shipping long distances, where the home gardener is more concerned with peak ripeness, since the garden is only a few feet away from the table. Sure, you may not have the experience and education a commercial farmer has, but that doesn't mean your green thumb will fail. Just do it! Go buy a pot, and some potting soil, throw a plant in there, water it, throw in some organic fertilizer once a month, and in no time you will get to eat your success.

Not sure what to plant and when? Here is a handy dandy little website that will help you out. All you have to do is find out which zone you live in and go from there. Click here and just enter your zip code(if you are in the USA) to find your planting zone. Once you do that you can click here to find the planting schedule for your zone. If you're like me and like to see a monthly calendar on exactly what to do in your garden, click here. See? So easy, right? If you live in a cool climate, try setting up an herb garden in your kitchen windowsill, or at a South-facing window. Don't be scared, take baby steps first; it will be worth it in the end!

 Here are some more pics from last year's garden:
My first tomato of hundreds.
What a cute little leafhopper! One of my favorite things about having a garden is playing with the bugs.
By the end of the season this Serrano pepper plant got to 3 ft tall and about 3 ft wide and produced peppers for me all summer long.
Another added benefit to having a garden is free food for my Crested Gecko, Willy! They deserve to be eaten after the damage they did to my tomatoes! Sweet revenge. Willy will F*^ck a bitch up.

Happy Gardening!


  1. My grandparents have an AWESOME garden, and I love walking around in it. I hope to have a garden someday. When I'm no longer living in a dorm. Nice to know I have a place to look for tips when I give it a shot! :) Also, sweet gecko!

  2. I was going to do a similar post tonight (until I realized that I may have broken my blog! So it will have to wait now).

    We are in the planning stages of this year's garden as well. We plant enough to keep our family of 7 well-fed, but I have never once heard my children complain about the work now that they know the results.

    This is also our first year using non-GMO seeds. We are really looking forward to see what kind of yields we get, and it will be nice to know that we can use many of the seeds year after year!!

    Personally, I can't wait for a fresh-picked salad!

  3. Love the crestie! I have a couple friends who breed them, if you are ever interested in getting him a buddy. :)

  4. I can't wait to get my garden going good! I love this post :) Weeds suck! :P

  5. I wish I had a garden. I also wish I had known I wasn't (huh?) following you when I thought I was.

  6. Hello fellow bakersfield(ian)(perhaps my new word:D)!!
    Alas...we are trying a garden again!
    We tried last year with pre grown potted tomatoes,watermelons and something else I cant recall O_O.
    Everything died sadly.
    The orange tree that was planted in the backyard is still green but has yet to give us one %^$#@ orange.
    In the fall last year, we tried to grow snap peas.It has bloomed beautifully and we have our first pea...yay!
    I am fearful of what this bakersfield summer heat will do to it.