From Sloppy Failure to Beautiful Mediocrity

I can now crochet from a pattern...sometimes...on a good day. I do much better when it's a visual pattern, rather than text. If It's a text pattern...I will inevitably screw it up. Just like the floppy beanie I tried making in Vegas; keyword: tried. I thought I was following the pattern exactly...but I'm pretty sure the giant, yellow vagina-shaped blob I made was not what the author had in mind. So, I reluctantly unraveled the whole thing (Yes, I followed it through to the end, just to see how screwed up it would become...I'm sick like that.)and started over. Slowly but surely, after following the visual pattern, my yarn actually morphed into something that resembled a beanie! It's definitely not perfect, and I kind of guessed on a couple parts, but unless you are a master crocheter you wouldn't even notice. I'm so proud of myself! Here is a link to a You Tube video for a crochet floppy beanie much like the one I made, so grab some yarn and a hook and make one for yourself!

I wish I would have taken a picture of the yellow sloppy, failure of a  beanie I made...but alas, I did not. So here is a dramatic recreation:

This crochet thing is really starting to consume me! Even while vacationing in Vegas I made time to sit around and crochet, all while consuming alcohol, so it definitely wasn't as lame as it sounds! Well, maybe it was but I was too trashed to notice. I managed to make two scarves and the above floppy-failure hat while in Vegas, and before my trip I made a really cute green scarf with little flower accents. Yes, I actually created something with my own two hands. Pretty sweet feeling ;0

Now, I feel like I  need to take the time to talk about booze for a second...partly because while crocheting in Vegas I had some pretty amazing alcoholic beverages that I feel I must share with my "of age" crowd. If you have a project that stresses you out, or just need to wind down after a hard day, nothing hits the spot and calms the nerves better than a good drink. While in Vegas I had plenty of those but my stand out favorites was the winning combo of a tequila shot with the pickle juice chaser aptly named: The Hooker--seriously, this sounds horrible, but it is REALLY, damn good! Another standout was this lovely red wine blend my friend introduced me to called Ménage à Trois, yes it is as amazing as I imagine one of those would be. Oooh! Last but not least a vodka infused Sweet Tea made by Jeremiah Weed is to die for! According to the hubby it tastes exactly like his grandma's sweet tea, only it will kick you in the ass. I added a little squirt of lemon and a dash of water to mine and it was heaven in a glass. No, I am not being paid by the companies I just mentioned, I just wanted to enlighten all of my of-age readers to these amazing adult beverages; but if anyone from the above company's is reading this I do accept gifts here: theoldladyatheart@yahoo.com  ;)

Here's my finished floppy beanie

If you are a new reader and interested in learning to crochet, check out my first-timer crochet tutorial posts below.

Pop your crocheting cherry here: Tangled In Yarn

More in-depth tutorial: The Impatient, but Happy Hooker

Let's get Diiiirty!

Time to leave the girly girl in the kitchen and get your hands dirty in the garden! As my favorite time of year approaches, blossoms are slowly popping out from naked limbs, soft sunlight kisses the ground, and billowy clouds fill up the sky. This could only mean one thing...planting season is near!  This is a time of careful planning and breaking up the cracked Winter soil that is devoid of all life...except weeds. Damn, dirty weeds; how I hate them so. This weekend is all about preparation for a garden that will be as bountiful as the bosom of a medieval wench in a corset cinched to the top. 

There is something about going into your backyard and harvesting your crop instead of driving to the store when you need produce. Need a tomato to add to your gourmet pizza, or a sprig of parsley for garnish? No need to put on a bra and trek down the block, just walk a few steps to the garden, look both ways to make sure your neighbors don't see you in your bra-less glory, and voila! Fresh produce in your hands! Plus you don't have to worry about what kind of scary little extras are in your produce, because you cared for your plants yourself; no greasy waxes, no nasty pesticide residues, no gasses to speed up ripening, just pure, unadulterated, fresh, ripe produce. Sounds great, huh? Try it, it's really not difficult if you aren't afraid to get down and dirty. Plus you attract all kinds of gorgeous little creatures for you to gaze at. It really is a rewarding, great thing to have your own garden.

Even butterflies get Spring fever!

If you've never planted a garden, don't have room in your backyard, or have no backyard, don't worry! You can make some pretty amazing container gardens that virtually take no effort at all. There are even tomato vines that are in a hanging planter on the market now and all you have to do is water them. So...why should you prefer homegrown over store bought produce?

Homegrown fruits and veggies are so much better tasting than commercially grown stuff. Not that big farmers suck--because without farmers we would all starve--but they have to worry about shelf life, large quantity, and shipping long distances, where the home gardener is more concerned with peak ripeness, since the garden is only a few feet away from the table. Sure, you may not have the experience and education a commercial farmer has, but that doesn't mean your green thumb will fail. Just do it! Go buy a pot, and some potting soil, throw a plant in there, water it, throw in some organic fertilizer once a month, and in no time you will get to eat your success.

Not sure what to plant and when? Here is a handy dandy little website that will help you out. All you have to do is find out which zone you live in and go from there. Click here and just enter your zip code(if you are in the USA) to find your planting zone. Once you do that you can click here to find the planting schedule for your zone. If you're like me and like to see a monthly calendar on exactly what to do in your garden, click here. See? So easy, right? If you live in a cool climate, try setting up an herb garden in your kitchen windowsill, or at a South-facing window. Don't be scared, take baby steps first; it will be worth it in the end!



 Here are some more pics from last year's garden:

My first tomato of hundreds.

What a cute little leafhopper! One of my favorite things about having a garden is playing with the bugs.

By the end of the season this Serrano pepper plant got to 3 ft tall and about 3 ft wide and produced peppers for me all summer long.

Another added benefit to having a garden is free food for my Crested Gecko, Willy! They deserve to be eaten after the damage they did to my tomatoes! Sweet revenge. Willy will F*^ck a bitch up.



Happy Gardening!



Rhymes With Bunt ;)

Thanks to one of my blogging buddies I was inspired to make a doily. Okay, I know what you are thinking, doilies are those dusty stained things grandma has on her coffee table, but this little doily will definitely make your grandma blush! Wicked Crochet sent me a really cool pattern for a "special" doily and I am so excited about it!  I went right away and bought all the necessary materials, which were a needle that is so tiny it looks dangerous, and some REALLY small gauge thready yarn stuff (cotton Size 10). Seriously, I hope I don't impale myself with this needle! Ahhh

Disclaimer: If you are easily offended, or are reading this with a child do not read further...unless you want to have to explain a very grown-up word. :)

At the end of this post you will see a picture of the finished doily...but I must warn you, if you are easily offended this will not be your cup of tea. However, if you are not embarrassed by dirty words, the irony of this piece is brilliant! The fact that something so intricate and beautiful could have such a dirty word as its centerpiece is just fascinating to me. I am proud to be presenting this to my bestest friend, because she is one of the ladies in my life that will definitely appreciate the irony; this is why I love this girl! But again, thank you Kara from Wicked Crochet for this amazing pattern, you are a genius! Kara also makes these bitchin' skull pattern scarfs and so much more. So if you would like to patronize her, check out her Etsy store here!

I also found out, the smaller the yarn I use, the more insane my cat becomes. Making this doily was a huge challenge as I had to fight her off every step of the way. Lucy has waged a war with the doily thread.



Amazing yarns I got from The Bead and Yarn Studio in Bakersfield, CA

 I would also like to take the time to mention where I got my yarn and encourage you to check out your locally owned stores before giving money to "The Man" and shopping at chain stores. Yes, chain stores are cheaper, but you get better quality and one on one time with actual needle workers at local shops. Thanks to the recommendation of a good friend, I was told about a store here in Bakersfield called Bead And Yarn Studio where I was encouraged to ask questions and basically talked poor Lulu's ear off for over an hour as she helped me choose yarn. She also offers one on one classes and help with projects or technique. Try to get that from Michael's! The overall experience was wonderful and I would highly recommend shopping local and helping out the little guys.  





So here you go, below you will find what I call the "Mike Hunt" doily (Say the name out loud if this confuses you). I made this from a pattern by Wicked Crochet and a really small crochet needle (Size 7) and thread (cotton #10). I would  not recommend this for the beginning crocheter, but once you've got the double crochet down, you'll be fine. It takes some getting used to working with such smaller materials...you kind of feel like your crocheting something for a Smurf; but it started getting more fluid after the first few rows. You will see that by comparing the bottom of the doily--where I started-- to the top where I finished. Just a pointer, make your stitches tighter than you normally would and they won't turn out all ruffly like mine is. If you would like to make your own Mike Hunt doily and any other hilarious doilies Kara has to offer, here is where you can purchase the pattern for only $3!! That's totally a steal.

My very first doily! Kara's looks much better than mine, but now that I know what I'm doing the next one should be a piece of cake!

And The Winner Is...

First off I want to say I LOVED reading all the cool things you guys will be making from scratch! I'm definitely wanting to steal the recipe for this Fuzzy Navel Cake that JD speaks of (insert evil grin here), and sprouted wheat bread made the ancient way by Raven sounds amazing, I can't wait to try this bread!

The winner was determined by the handy-dandy http://www.randomnumbergenerator.com/, and that person is: Kim from Salinas,CA!

Congrats Kim!

Kim, if you have a chance to see this post before I contact you, just send me an email to theoldladyatheart@yahoo.com saying what your preference is for the gift card and I will send you the E-gift certificate of your choosing :D

Thanks to everyone who entered my very first giveaway, I am so grateful to have such bad ass, amazingly cool and talented readers! Thanks for all the kind words too, you guys make my heart smile.

More great news: I may be partnering up with a huge online merchant soon and that means, bigger and better giveaways to come soon!! Stay tuned!

Cheesy Does It

Let's make some cheese! I'm so excited to learn how to do this. There is nothing better than a good piece of savory cheese on a salty cracker or tortilla. I decided I should start easy and work my way up because as I have researched, some of my favorite cheeses seem insanely hard to make! I found this great looking recipe for queso fresco in a special edition of Better Homes and Garden Magazine last month and I think it looks easy enough for even me to do. Queso fresco is a soft and salty Mexican cheese used for topping tacos, quesadillas, crumbling over salads and you can even incorporating into a tomato and basil bruschetta or anything else; it's a really versatile cheese. I can't get enough of this stuff, and usually have some on hand in the fridge, but I have always had the store bought kind in the little round wheel. Going with the premise that everything tastes better from scratch, my taste buds are just dancing at the thought that it could get any better.

Homemade Organic Queso Fresco
Makes about 4 cups


1 Gal Organic Whole Milk
2 Tbsp Sea Salt
1/2 Cup White Vinegar

1. In a big pot (6-8 qt) add your milk and salt, stir, then bring up to 190 degrees F using a candy thermometer. Stir frequently.
2. Remove from heat and gradually add the vinegar as you stir the milk. Let it sit for 5 minutes, then gently stir. This is where you will notice the curd separating from the whey.

3. Line a colander with a double thickness of cheesecloth and pour in the contents of your pot, discard the whey (the liquid). Let the curd drain for about 15 to 20 minutes.

4 &5.  Now you can either spoon it into a container, or if you want a firmer cheese you can take the ends off of a tin can, put the can on the plate, spoon the cheese into the can, put the lid over the top and top the lid with a weighted can(see illustration below). I just used a can of beans I had in the pantry :). Then you can chill it for a few hours (4-24) and it will get nice and firm.  

6. Cut the cheese--haha-- into smaller wheels, wrap in saran wrap, then you can either chill and use the individual wheels, or share with friends. See, easy right?

Step 1. Bring milk and salt up to 190 degrees F, while stiring frequently.

Step 2. Remove from heat, gradually add vinegar. Let sit for 5 minutes

Step 3. Drain whey from curd, 15-20 minutes

Step 4. Chill cheese, or pack it unto a cylinder (can) and press for 4-24 hours, then chill.

Step 5. Weight lid down with another can to press cheese and make it firmer

Step 6. Cut cheese into wheels, wrap in saran wrap, and chill or share with friends.





This was such a fun project and was so easy, I let my nine year old niece help me and she had a blast. She had so much fun, but was a little sad she didn't get to get messy. The great thing about making cheese is it's pretty simple and clean, no need to ruin those manicured nails. Making cheese is a great activity for kids, not only because it's fun, but also because they are actually learning about the food that they eat and how it's made. The more kids understand about food, the easier it will be for them to distinguish the crap from the good stuff later in life.

So overall this whole cheese making experience was great, I knew making this cheese would be easy, but this was a piece of cake! I am definitely ready to try my hand at some harder, more intricate cheeses; but for now I'm going to enjoy my queso fresco. It does taste a little different from the store bought queso fresco. It's a little more mild, and has a consistency  between queso fresco and ricotta; It's really good. I put some on top of my pizza last night, threw some in my salad for lunch today, and think I will make some tostada's with it tomorrow. I may even try mixing it into a lasagna; the possibilities are endless.

My nine year old niece enjoys making cheese as much as I do :)

Update 2.25.11

I was nominated for Blog Of The Month on the site Just For Blogs! If you like what you see here, please go to their site and vote for Preserving the Past in their March poll. This would be the best birthday present ever. Thanks! :D

Blackout Due To FCC Regulations

Okay, I've been totally neglecting my blog readers! I am definitely going through blog withdrawals and can't wait until this weekend so I can do something fun and exciting! I've been absent from the web world recently because I just took a huge test for my PCA (Pest Control Advisor) license, so I've been studying like a madwoman and haven't had time to do anything fun. However, the test is now finished...so now all I have is time! Woohoo!

 I decided for my next post I will be making a simple cheese that anyone can make at home. It will be easy, promise! I found the recipe in a special edition of Better Homes and Gardens, and it's one of my favorite cheeses so I'm really excited to try making it. So, I will be  doing that this weekend and hopefully making a successful blog post if I don't eff it up too bad...ah, what the hell...there will be a blog post regardless of eff ups. I don't need to hide anything from you guys :)

So, stay tuned for "Cheesy Does It"! In the meantime, make sure you enter my Giveaway! I am so excited to read all of the amazing things you guys make from scratch! Holy crap, I have some talented readers; you guys are incredible. On the 28th of this month I will be announcing the winner, good luck to all of you! Also, check out the "As Seen on" tab!  I am now the "Style Columnist" for The Bakersfield Voice and published my first article last week. I posted the actual article in that tab. Feel free to go to www.bakersfieldvoice.com and check it out and comment there if you like.

I have also become a crochet fiend! Now that I actually know what I'm doing it's become really relaxing and it's so damn fun! Currently, I'm working a pretty rad scarf with some fun little details. Beer coozy equipt with crochet flowers is on my backburner, but I think I can bang that out pretty fast. I'm also excited about the present I just got from Wicked Crochet! Thanks Kara! I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I will tell you it's a pattern...and it will definitely make a few of my readers blush once I finish it.

Thanks again for being loyal readers; this whole blog thing is starting to consume me! I totally live for your comments and it's so cool to hear some of you talk about trying the recipes and learning to do some of the stuff I've blogged about. You guys make my day!

xo
Candice

My First Giveaway!

I'm so excited I'm about to reach 100 followers! I figured in order to express my thanks to all my readers I would reward you with cool stuff! I thought long and hard about I might offer up as a reward, and I was stuck between The Happy Hooker book and the bad ass pastry gun from Williams n Sonoma. So I think I will let you decide. The winner will get their choice of a $25 gift certificate to Williams n Sonoma or Amazon.com. My budget is is a little measly because I'm blogging for donations only, the more donations I get, the better the prizes will be in the future :)

All you have to do is:

1. Become a Follower if you aren't already
2. Comment on this post and tell me what you plan to make from scratch this year for the first time, or tell me about your favorite tradition that you have learned from your grandma or on your own.

I will put all the names from the comments below in a hat and draw them at the end of this month. Winner will be announced February 28th!

Stay tuned kiddies!
xo